We all have needs, wants, desires and expectations. Often those basic human urges are what creates our values. However, before you begin to agree on your relationship values, it’s important to question them. Where are they coming from? Is it a real need or is it an egoic need from a hurt part of yourself? This distinction can make or break a relationship. It’s important to understand the difference between your needs and wants in order to move forward and build a happy and strong relationship with your significant other. Relationship expert, Steffo Shambo shares his insight on what values help build a happy relationship.
1. Build trust from the start
Trust is the pinnacle of a healthy and happy relationship. Your ability to be vulnerable is critical and through practicing honest communication you can ensure that both you and your partner feel seen, heard and understood within your relationship. When you have trust in a relationship, you can relax and let go of your inhibitions because you will innately understand how your partner is – and vice versa. Just because you are in a relationship, doesn’t mean that you need to sacrifice all your alone time to compensate for your partner. Having trust in each other will make it easier to give each other space to have independent hobbies that keep you happy, whilst still being able to nurture and build the relationship.
If you find yourself growing apart from your significant other, you should schedule regular check-ins. This could help both of you understand what is happening in each other’s lives and assess whether your relationship values are still the same. If one person starts to evolve and the other partner doesn’t, the couple will no longer be on the same page and there will be incompatibilities Without establishing honesty and trust, it is very likely that the relationship will not last.
Not only is it important to establish your relationship values together, how the discussion is taking place is just as important. The conversation should come from a place of total vulnerability and compassion. Being demanding and being stubborn about your egoic needs will only create a larger divide between you and your partner.
2. Support each other through every decision
Support should be the cornerstone of your relationship. It’s not only about grand gestures and good times; you should show each other you care every day through the small, sweet things you say or the extra text messages you send. How you support each other on a daily basis is what matters most in a happy relationship.
Finding ways to support each other in more stressful times is essentially what will keep your relationship strong. This is real love put to practice. It’s easy to be in love when things are great, but it can be really hard to love when you are angry and hurt. In those moments, ask yourself: what would love do?
How you deal with the lows determines how much happiness you’ll have in your relationship. You can be in love and be miserable at the same time. So without happiness and knowing how to deal with the lows of the relationship, you might be in for an emotional rollercoaster ride.
3. Don’t do unnecessary damage while fighting
It is no secret that arguments can happen to even the happiest of couples. Having a disagreement with your partner doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It could be a great moment of growth for both of you and give you a chance to understand each other’s needs more. However, during these heated moments it is essential that you and your partner do not make spiteful comments out of anger. This can cause bigger rifts in your connection, disrupting the growth and orgasmic energy that the two of you have worked hard to build. Learning to communicate amicably and calmly during disagreements is crucial to maintaining happiness in a relationship.
Threatening to leave the relationship as soon as there is a tiny disagreement or using vulnerable information against your partner could trigger more hurt in an already painful situation. Remember, hurtful words will stick around and accumulate into tension and distrust past the argument.
4. Remember you’re on the same team
Another important value for a long-lasting and happy relationship is for you and your partner to be on the same team. As a couple, you should lift each other up in moments of sadness and stress and give each other space when it is needed. Teamwork is what will lead to a healthy relationship.
A great way to understand this is through the metaphor of the gardener and the flower. If you are always the gardener doing the work in the relationship you will get worn out. Sometimes, you also want to be the flower. Remember that both of you are in this together, as teammates and there has to be some give and take. In order to be in a happy relationship, you need to work together to build a beautiful garden.
These four values are essential to creating an environment of happiness and stability for you and your partner. By listening and communicating with each other on a daily basis, meeting each other’s needs will be easy.