At certain points, some relationships become too far gone to be salvaged – thus it is better for them to end. The psychological pain of separation can be unbearable and one of life’s most difficult tasks is saying goodbye to those closest to us who we have grown accustomed with. It truly feels like being in the throes of hell or a never-ending nightmare.
When a relationship has reached an impasse, some people react in the opposite way – they become more attached to their partner, even at the expense of themselves. In such cases, leaving one another is essential for life to move forward; though this may come with significant difficulty and pain.
Dr. Ty David Lerman, an American psychiatrist revealed to Cosmopolitan magazine that many individuals stay in unhealthy relationships out of fear and loneliness, instead of seeking new beginnings. Therefore, the first step one should take when looking to end a relationship is deciding on the right departure time.
Many people stay in damaging relationships due to apprehension of the unknown, isolation, and an acute feeling of bereavement.
Pain addiction is not normal
According to psychologists, humans are biologically programmed for love and hope; in truth, all relationships become addicting in some way or another – even the unhealthy ones.
Relationships are often difficult, and we tend to remain in these toxic situations despite the countless times we think of leaving, believing that it’s just a phase and eventually things will return to normal. But this is not always the case; instead, it can lead us into an endless cycle of pain and suffering.
According to The Minds Journal, lying to oneself is a common occurrence when trying to cope with pain and suffering. However, it’s important that we don’t see this as something “natural” – nothing about long-term anguish should ever be deemed natural or normal.
At times, the facts can be difficult to recognize and our emotions may trick us into becoming addicted to a toxic relationship. This addiction makes it hard—no matter how damaging—to walk away from such feelings of love that have become an illusion.
Research published in the journal Frontiers in Psychology suggests that habitual toxic relationships might originate from a shared biological basis. Similar to hard drugs, falling in love can also be addictive and experts noticed this when they went on to conduct brain scans of people with cocaine addiction as well as those who were deeply in love – both groups showed heightened activity within their dopamine centers, which are responsible for generating pleasure.
Evidently, both lovers and addicts experience a decrease in brain activity within the frontal lobe – an area responsible for cognitive function. In other words, this demonstrates that being in love not only makes us feel better but can also drastically influence our aptitude to make decisions and think logically.
Often, we are blinded by the truth and foolishly become enamoured with an illusion that leads to pure toxicity in our relationships.
The best way to get out of a toxic relationship
Are you in a relationship that has become toxic and abusive? If so, how can you extract yourself with the greatest degree of emotional wellbeing intact? What are your best options for overcoming this pain and continuing on with life without further losses or trauma?
HealthLine has highlighted a collection of procedures that make it simpler to finally rid yourself of toxic relationships.
1- Positivity in the face of painful thoughts
When we submerge ourselves in sorrowful thoughts, it’s easy to forget that how we talk to ourselves is essential for our progress and growth. Having a “positive mantra” that you tell yourself regularly can be an extremely powerful tool for rising above life’s adversities. Otherwise, we will remain stagnant until oblivion consumes us into the depths of despair.
Dr. Carla Manley, a psychologist, encourages individuals to go beyond the despair of past events and recognize that separation is an opportunity for them to begin fresh with a new path in life. Instead of dwelling on why it happened or what could have been done differently, she advises people to tell themselves “I am lucky because I can find a good way forward.” By recognizing the silver lining behind such difficult experiences, we are better equipped to turn our pain into motivation as we embark on this new journey ahead.
2- Physical Distance
Create a physical and psychological distance between you and your ex-partner by escaping to faraway places, or simply visit spots without any sentimental value. As the adage goes “out of sight out of heart” – this could be beneficial for recovery according to Dr. Ramani Durvasola, a clinical psychologist. Such separation can help in healing from past relationship woes that may otherwise still linger on in our lives if we don’t take measures like these!
3- Focus on the present
Center on yourself, your life and your future endeavors instead of wallowing in the painful past. When you are reminded about an uncomfortable memory, quickly refocus to what is happening at present moment; this will help you be thankful for all that you have away from those hurtful recollections.
Lisa Oliveira, a marriage and family specialist, emphasizes the significance of dwelling in the here-and-now. By living in this moment rather than being weighed down by our past or overwhelmed by what’s to come, we are given much more freedom over how to go about our lives.
Physically and mentally, be gentle with yourself. Don’t fault her for your failures and don’t allow self-criticism to penetrate into your thoughts.
4- Don’t blame yourself and be nice to her
Too often, individuals make themselves culpable for the collapse of a relationship. However, this is never accurate; both people in any sort of bond are responsible for its success or downfall. Therefore, be gracious to yourself and absolve her from responsibility – don’t reprimand your self-worth and forgive you before forgiving anyone else involved.
As Oliveira encourages, “Be gentle with yourself – treat yourself as you would a cherished friend.” It is inescapable that we will suffer pain and anguish at times; yet, it is entirely within our power to practice gentleness and compassion towards ourselves. Make the choice to show love and forgiveness instead of harshness when life gets tough.
5- Surround yourself with friends
To abate the pain of a breakup, this easy yet influential tip can be helpful. Those battling the afflictions associated with heartache often seclude themselves from loved ones and undergo alone in silence; however, these actions are not beneficial for our wellbeing. We humans require social interactions to flourish, so we should never have to endure suffering by ourselves.
Lean on your family and friends in this difficult time; their love and encouragement can help make the journey easier. Not only will you feel less alone, but it is an important reminder that there are amazing people around us who care about our well-being, as well as wonderful aspects of life such as friendship and family.