At some point in your life, you have probably been advised to rid yourself of toxic people that are preventing you from progressing in life. It’s easy to put the blame on others, what’s more difficult is looking inwards and checking yourself first.
Toxicity within yourself is hardest to spot mostly because it’s buried under layers of anger, grief, and denial but it’s only when we realize our own toxicity when we can work to remove it and take control of our lives.
1Identifying yourself as the problem
Like the first step to anything, the first step to dealing with internal toxicity is recognizing that it’s actually YOU that’s getting in your own way. Try to identify when you are engaged in behavior that is affecting you and others around you negatively. Do you find yourself bumming other people out? Are you the killjoy every time you’re with your friends? If yes, then you are definitely the problem.
See all those times when it looks like you’re whining to your friends, ask yourself why exactly are you whining? Are you looking for advice? If you are, then you’ll surely take it when they give it to you right? But how often do you reply with “…yea but…” each time they provide a possible solution. So no, you’re not looking for advice. So what is it then? Attention? If it is, then you have to figure out why you’re looking for attention. But if you really can’t figure out a reason for your constantly whining, then that’s all you’re doing, whining. Now a close friend might tolerate it for a bit, eventually, they will get annoyed too. It’s ok to vent sometimes, but all the time is not cool. There’s no point of venting to someone who can’t help you. It can be comforting but if you want more than just the banal ‘words of comfort’, then you’re wasting your time by venting. Quit it, it spreads negativity and unfortunately, you’re the source.
So when you first realize that you’re the problem, it can sting a little bit. It could trigger more anger and frustration but breathe, take it in and know that you can handle it. Do some self-reflecting as to what may be the cause of your negativity. Is it your job, family/friends or relationship? Then realize how your negativity affects not only yourself but people near you too. This will motivate you to stop it since you’re pushing people away. This is also the time when you stop posting sad/attention seeking statuses on Facebook.
When you’re trying to figure out a solution to your inner toxicity, you’re going to need an outlet to release the angst and this is when you’ll come to appreciate regular exercise. Yes, exercise is recommended by everyone for all and that’s because it works. It’s going to get your blood pumping which is good for you, especially for your head when you’re burdened with stress. Additionally, it helps you release endorphins (the feel-good hormone), so you’re going to want to have those flowing in your body.
Apart from exercise put some time into looking after yourself, make little in changes in your life that can help you lead healthier AND happier lives. Something as simple as drinking more water will help you get in a better mood. Find food that enhances your mood and avoid those that make it worse (put that cheeseburger down).
4Confronting your problems
Well after you’ve gotten all the negativity in your head to settle down, now it’s time you confront your problems. It helps when you write them down because a lot of the times when you actually do write them out, you realize that you really don’t have that many. Also writing down the problems gives you more clarity. You’ll be able to process the issues better, therefore, it’ll be easier for you to find solutions to your problems. Make a list of all the steps you’re going to take to rid yourself of your problems, for every problem you list, find a way to approach it. Some may be tougher than others but keep telling yourself that you’ll figure it out. You’re going to need to be relentless in your pursuit.
This is probably is the most important of all the steps because if you make positive self-talk a habit, then you there’s no stopping you. One thing self-assured people have that’s better than the rest of us who suffer from anxiety is that they know what they are capable of, they are confident in their abilities. For the rest of us who don’t rejoice in ourselves, we have to make a conscious effort to remind ourselves of our capabilities. So go ahead give yourself a little pep-talk!
Everyone goes through highs and lows in their lives. If you’re going through something bad today, it won’t always be like that. It’s just the phase in life you’re currently going through, it doesn’t have to last long if you don’t want it to, so make an effort to change and make way for positivity.